My Relationship with a Current Crisis

I’m in the middle of a personal crisis. It’s an overwhelming place to be and one day I may share some of the details. But for now, it’s much too raw and difficult.What I do want to share is the messy and frightened place I’m in and how that feels. It’s as if I’m on a teeter-totter and I’m struggling to keep my balance of reason with grace. However, leaning ever so slightly plops me in the direction of the past, feeling melancholy for days gone by and the innocence of youth. Where once we fretted about troubles are now remembered as funny stories. I cry for the innocence for what “once was” and will never be again.

But when I teeter to the other side, it takes me to that ugly place of the unknown future, to that terrible place of fear. This is when I start projecting the “what ifs” and let me tell you, my imagination can come up with some pretty scary thoughts. On top of that, fear has a way of playing over and over the same ol’ “what ifs” in my head so it can seem overwhelming and make me feel out of control. In essence, it puts me in a helpless state. It wasn’t until my very dear friend and colleague advised me… “This is not the time for you to be in tomorrows… worried about how or if [things will turn out]. You can’t possibly know that now and you don’t have to. Today, this moment is the only thing that matters.”

I cried when I read this because my friend hit it right on the nose. This is the thought I must keep in the forefront if I am to navigate through this crisis with reason and grace. This is what will help steer me from the melancholy of days gone by as well as the “what ifs” of the unknown future. I’m not naïve to think that I can manage this situation without ongoing worry and underlying struggle. However, I am intent on choosing to be focused on each moment right here, right now. I will also choose to reach out and ask for the support that will provide me the perspective to be strong not just for myself, but for everyone involved. By no means am I ignoring what the Universe is presenting me. What I do know is there are lessons here for me and I am going into this life challenge with the intent I will learn a great deal. I choose to look at this as the Universe’s way of acknowledging me and saying, “Carol, I have faith you can handle this challenge”. There are no promises, no guarantees but I must start by accepting this is where I am.

If you are facing a crisis or predicament, ask yourself, “Am I thinking in the past or future, and if so, is it keeping me stuck or paralyzed?” Are you willing to shift and stand in the present moment? Because if we stop long enough to think about it, standing in the past or the future will not serve us to get through a crisis we may be facing NOW. The helplessness of yesterday and tomorrow compares none to the power of today and now.


2/3/07 – Cassandra Rae
Dear Carol ~
I applaud you for finding the time, the energy, and the willingness to share the truth about being in the midst of a personal crisis. That shows your strength and dedication to yourself and your dedicated readers. What an amazing woman you are!

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to support you. I’d love to get together for a Crystal Light :~)

Warmly ~

2/5/07 – Cindy
I just wanted to tell you how powerful this “crisis” blog is. Very, very powerful because everyone of us at some point in time has or will experience something that seems beyond our capabilities. I appreciate your acknowledgement of the overwhelming feelings that flood what seems to be our inadequacies of “fixing” everything that is thrown at us. But it really isn’t about our shortcomings. It seems to be more about who we are right now and how each word and action, with thoughtful intention, will bring us closer to some resolution. Love always to you.

2/16/07 – Vicki MacEachern
Hello Carol,

I read your words and my heart went out to you. It sounds like whatever you are facing is not going to get the best of you because you are a very strong woman who knows she can and will handle what the Universe has brought into your life.

I too have faced difficulties that put me on the edge. I can remember 5 years ago I went through something. There wasn’t a day that went through that I didn’t worry about what tomorrow would bring. I can still remember my Mother’s words like it was just yesterday and they are similar to those of your friends. Mom said “Vicki you don’t have yesterday, it is gone and you don’t have tomorrow it isn’t here, all we really have is right now.” When I stopped and really thought about it, and I mean REALLY thought about it with my heart and soul, I felt almost relieved because I knew at that instant that I was handling the situation, I had it under control. At that moment I shifted my perception, thoughts and feelings and decided to look at what was happening right then. Every day I held that thought and every day what I feared did not happen. Was it because I shifted the way I was thinking and felt more in control? I’m not sure but I can tell you as long as I stayed in the moment I was fine. What I feared was not with me in the moment and I was okay. That was 5 years ago and everything worked out and there was a happy ending.

I have learned through that experience to stay in the present because really that is all we have. Tomorrow and all our fears with it are not with us right now.

Carol I wish you peace, serenity and love. Stay in the present, take your hands off the wheel, let go and let live. The Universe will assist you.

Vicki MacEachern, (ICA Student)

2/28/07 – Dana Kawaguchi
My Dear Friend,
I have no doubt that YOU have the STRENGTH WITHIN to journey through this challenging time. Be patient with yourself as the GIFTS and LESSONS will unfold if YOU allow them. Focus on what you are grateful for as this will only expand your feelings of gratitude. I know you will discover the silver lining in this all.

As I read through your recent blog, the feelings seemed all too familiar to me. As you know, I faced a string of challenges this past year. Learning to be in the present was a gift my father gave me. I struggled quite a bit, but I have gained a better approach and attitude towards life that works for me. I am in a much better place now.

Thanks for sharing of yourself and for allowing us to learn from your experience. Please know that I am here for you whenever you are ready.

Love you much!