This Mother’s Day will be my first without my mother and I am acutely aware of her absence. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her, wish I could call her to share something about my life or hear something about hers. I miss her infectious laugh, smile as I remember her sometimes ridiculously long and detailed stories and recall with admiration and amazement how incredibly talented she was- how she made the world colorful, vibrant and beautiful.
Though clearly I am still grieving the physical loss of this wonderful woman I had the honor and pleasure to call mom, I feel and see her presence in my life daily. I see and feel her in my siblings; each with their own special characteristics, gestures, and manner of speaking that is so like our mother’s. I recognize her in myself and that pleases me to no end.
On those days where all of that is not enough, I give myself a ‘mom day’. I choose to spend the day being with people she loved and doing things that I know brought her joy.
Earlier this spring I had such a day… I visited with some dear friends of hers, all of us having the joy of my mother palpably present in each other. I drove to Sonoma County and marveled at the views of the vineyards clothed in bright yellow mustard and ready to burst into life. These were views that she woke up to and enjoyed each day. I ended the day spending time with my sister Gail, her husband Patrick and two of my nieces, Paige and Hannah and their respective boyfriends. It was a lovely evening all of its own and yet even more so knowing how much my mother would have delighted in such a gathering.
So though I miss her, she is alive and well in my heart. This Mother’s Day, like all that have come before I will be filled with gratitude for the gift of being mom to Nick, step-mom to Danielle and Tania, and Mae Mae (a.k.a grandma) to Frankie and Brett. And I will be forever blessed by the amazing woman I had the honor of calling mom.