If you’re reading this, you likely know me in some capacity. I think of myself as an open book but today I’d like to introduce you to a part of myself that you may not know ~ ME and MY SHADOW(s).
When I speak of shadow, I’m not talking about the shadow that walks along side of me in the sunlight. Rather, I’m referring to Carl Jung’s definition of shadow, “aspects of our personality that we choose to reject of repress”. Shadows are parts of ourselves that we don’t like or feel others won’t like, so we shut them down or deny them.
It’s my belief and my experience that denying them just doesn’t work. When I busy myself trying to keep my shadows hidden, I am dimming my light and brilliant parts. So instead, I embrace and befriend my shadows. I name, claim, and tame them!
Name them – that alone brings light to the dark.
Claim them. I own that I have them and know that at times in my life they were not only needed, but they served me well.
Tame them. I can use the gifts and lessons they have to offer.
I have many shadows but three of them are coming out of the dark today.
Meet Wounded Wanda. Wanda has experienced deep pain and has trust issues. She pulls away from things and people, so she doesn’t get hurt. Her gift is protection, and she teaches me to trust myself.
Next, I’d like to introduce you to Resentful Rita. Rita says “yes” when she means ‘no’ and then feels burdened and burned out. She needs boundaries and teaches me to honor and value myself.
And finally, Perfect Patty. Poor Patty’s need to be perfect is exhausting, making projects and life a chore rather than pleasant. This obsessive behavior of hers, allows her to stay under the radar and avoid ridicule. She reminds me that the magic is often in the mess, joy is found in exploring, and that mistakes can be great teachers.
As a speaker and facilitator sometimes we have to manage a difficult audience. Our shadows, or my shadow, can be like the difficult audience. They heckle and interrupt my flow, they’re loud nay-sayers and sometimes so much so that I’m paralyzed. However, like in the managing a difficult audience , when I tend to them, they become quiet.
I tend to them by having a huddle. In my mind I’ll bring those disrupters together and have a conversation with them. I’ll thank them for their service and remind them that this circumstance does not require the same response. I ask them to stand down and let me take the lead.
Why introduce them to you today? To bring them out of the dark where they will not only lose their grip on me, but my shadows can also become my internal support system and my cheer squad.
In case you’re curious about your own shadows… you know those people in life whose behaviors really annoy or trigger you? You spot it, you got it! There’s your shadow!
P.S. The ‘spot it, you got it’ works the other way too. Those characteristics that you admire and are inspired by… they are yours as well. You just need to invite them to the huddle!